“When Black Friday comes, I’m going to dig myself a hole...”

Exactly once.

That’s how many times I’ve lined up for cheap deals on “Black Friday,” the day after Thanksgiving, and the “traditional” beginning of the holiday shopping season.

It was 2001, my first completely solo Thanksgiving – no partner, no parents, nada. Just me and the little turkey meatloaf I made in the toaster oven. One of my Thanksgiving “traditions” was to pick up that day’s paper and go through all the ads for the sales the next day. I never actually woke up to go to any of the sales, though, adopting my father’s response to why he never went hunting: “I’ve got better things to do at four in the morning than sit in a tree in the cold.” Likewise, I’ve got better things to do that early in the morning that stand in line outside a store with a chance of being smooshed. (Although I do enjoy the Black Friday Aftermath news stories of Wal-Mart shoppers being beaten up in their quest for $29.97 DVD players.)

That year was different. I really had no reason not to get up and go the next day. After all, I was flying solo. And, Staples had an Epson inkjet printer on sale for $10 after rebates! I needed a printer, any kind of printer, so I decided to get up the next morning and go get one. The store opened at 7AM. It would be an adventure!

I thought: Oh, who’s going to be lined up Staples? They’ll all be at Best Buy and Target and Meijer. But Staples? Bosh! This was a university town, and basically deserted for Thanksgiving. So, I got up at 6:15AM the next day, had some coffee, and headed over to Staples arriving at 6:45PM.

The line outside the door was at least fifty people long, and stretched along the front of the “big box” complex where Staples was.

I had miscalculated. Sure, all the undergraduates were gone, but the graduate students were still here. Oh, and the actual townies who live in the twin cities. I got in line and hoped for the best.

The doors opened and there was an insane mad rush. People were grabbing everything in sight! People were pushing, screaming, and being incredibly assaholic. Remember, this was in 2001, after the terrorist attacks, when we were all supposed to be a “kinder, gentler nation.” Except when it comes to $80 monitors, free photo paper, and $10 printers, that is.

I fought my way to the Epson printers. There was one left on the ground. I dived for it the same time another woman did, but I got my hands on it first. Feeling guilty, I offered it to the woman twice, and she refused. To this day, I’m still surprised no one else snatched it from my hands when I did.

Standing in the checkout line, I noticed people clearly breaking the “limit 1” rules, and they were flagged at the registers. Yes, I got some sort of perverse thrill seeing a man who had shoved me earlier not get five free packs of photo paper.

I left the store that morning with the printer. It served me well for about four years for all sorts of zine tasks, including spot color on hundreds of pages. I remember running 250 small paper bags through it for the packaging of the “12 Items or Less” zine project. I still feel a small twinge of guilt over getting to the last printer first that day in the store.

Since then, I haven’t gone shopping on Black Friday, instead quietly participating in Buy Nothing Day. Plus, there are so many great deals to be found online, it’s almost never worth it to actually venture out.

However, if you are thinking about hitting the stores on Black Friday, you can now go as an informed consumer, even without waiting for the ads in Wednesday’s newspaper. Go to Black Friday Ads, where they are cataloging all the “leaked” advertising circulars for that day. Unfortunately, Best Buy has threatened them with legal action if they didn’t take down the details of their ad, so it’s gone for now.

The Consumerist rounds up The Best Black Friday Deals.

But, according to Black Friday Ads, guess who has the best deals so far? Yep, Staples. They’ve even got an early bird special on a Samsung laser printer for $40 after rebate. Is that enough to get me out there?

NaBloPoMo Update: 15 days down, 15 to go!