Stockholm Syndrome.

As mentioned previously, I am an unabashed IKEA fan. The design, the products, the names, I've been in love the the total IKEA package for twenty years, since signing the lease on my first apartment. I'm lucky enough to live within short driving distance of two fairly new IKEA stores, and never consider "going to IKEA" as a tedious chore, like "going to the Home Depot" or "going to the grocery". (Of course, I avoid going on weekend afternoons, when it does have the tendency to descend into one of the inner rings of hell.)

This past weekend Mom asked me if I could stop at IKEA and pick up some rolls of their heavy-duty plastic shelf liner, RATIONELL VARIERA, before I visited her. (Actually, did the whole "I don't want to bother you, but maybe, someday, if you're driving past IKEA and maybe have some time, you could stop in and pick me up some of that shelf liner if it's not too much trouble, but only if you're going to be out that way..." spiel. Master of Guilt, stop pulling my strings.) I drive past one of the local IKEAs on the way home, so it is never a problem. Plus, it gives me an excuse to go and poke around the "Marketplace" area and see if any of the products can be hacked for other uses.

After snagging five rolls of RATIONELL VARIERA, I wandered around the Marketplace, browsing for IKEAhacks and other ideas. I couldn't resist picking up a small serving tray printed with elephants (dad collects elephant-related items), and checked out some of the marked-down storage boxes, new fabrics, and cheap dishes. Since I was in a hurry (and trying to save money), it was a fairly frugal trip, but I couldn't resist two additional items.

The first item was something the company should have invented many, many years ago. (Perhaps they did, but I just discovered it now.) It's the $1.99 TORX multi-tool, which consists of six different sized Allen wrenches and screwdrivers. While I usually do keep at least one Allen wrench in my toolbox, I'm less likely to misplace or lose track of something larger like this. Now, when the hell of moving time comes around, no longer will I be sweaty and crying and cursing that I can't find the #$%& Allen wrench to take apart the desk. (But I'll most likely be sweaty, crying, and cursing over something else moving-related.)

IKEA has sold their own branded line of food for many years, in addition to having fairly decent (and cheap!) cafeterias in the stores. Now, not only can you eat like a Swede, you can smell like one too! When I entered the Marketplace, the first thing I saw were large bins filled with brightly colored packages of various soaps, shampoos, conditioners, shower gel, and bar soaps. They didn't have any sample bottles opened for olfactory inspection, all the packages were hygienically sealed, and none of the bottles listed any sort of scent. However, for $2.99 I was willing to take a chance on the shower gel. The packaging is so detailed and pretty! I still haven't removed the protective seal to discover what it smells like. Swedish meatballs? Wood? Herring? The very essence of Ingvar Kamprad? Will I feel as if I am in an Ingmar Bergman film, scrubbing away my very soul and watching it spiral down the drain with the excess foam?

And since this is a post about IKEA, it gives me another chance to post open-source songwriter Jonathan Coulton's "IKEA" song, which I sing every time I drive past one of their stores: