Enough with the bacon already.

Homer: I’ll have the smiley face breakfast special. Uhh, but could you add a bacon nose? Plus bacon hair, bacon mustache, five o’clock shadow made of bacon bits and a bacon body.

Waitress: How about I just shove a pig down your throat?

- We're on the road to D'ohwhere (Season 17, Episode 11)

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Once again, I'm pondering taking on a semi-vegetarian diet. "Semi" in that I'd most likely still consume fish, select aged cheeses (i.e., good stinky stuff), cream cheese, yogurt (sorry, soy yogurt just looks like a cup full of yeast infection), butter, and goat milk ice cream. Yes, it will take a lot of effort (and horrors, I'll have to actually COOK), but I think my body and animal-loving ethics will be happier for it. I'm not going to get sanctimonious about it, and the few times I visit the west coast, I will be eating both an In-N-Out burger and JITB fried tacos.

It won't be too difficult to forgo beef or poultry, and I've never eaten much mutton or other non-mainstream meats. Unfortunately, if there is one animal that is keeping me back from a vegetarian diet, it's the humble pig, especially ribs, ham when it's prepared well, and bacon. I've never really liked pork chops or pork loin, but the tougher, cheaper parts instead. I can't really articulate why, but it's probably combination of fat, texture, and preparation. Shamefully, I especially adore scrapple (or as a co-worked called it, "an Orthodox Kosher nightmare"), which is all of the leftover pig parts all combined with cornmeal into one lovely block.

However, if the current trend of "bacon mania" continues, I can give up on the pig as well, because bacon hipsters are out-of-control and annoying. It was amusing at first, but now it's just officially Tired, and somewhat stupid, especially some of the non-food bacon items, and forced bacon-related food creations.

Bac-O's? Fine. Bacon salt? Also fine. Baconnaise? Sure, bring it on. After all, these three products contain no actual pork, and all of them have been certified Kosher to varying degrees. The Hickory Smoke Bacon Salt is even vegan!

Somewhat less acceptable bacon-related food products: Bacon Vodka. The Bacon Explosion (which apparently has a tendency to catch on fire while cooking). Any sort of bacon-based baked good, like these Maple Bacon Cupcakes (double whammy of annoying there, with the cupcake).

Really unacceptable bacon-related food products: Bacon jellybeans, bacon chocolate, and bacon mints. No really, candy does NOT need to be bacon-flavored.

Then there is the category of useless bacon-related non-foodstuffs. Just search a site like Archie McPhee, Fred Flare, or Thinkgeek and you'll get a range of useless items. Bacon lip balm (ewww). Bacon dental floss. Bacon air fresheners. Bacon soap. And I think society could live without bacon flavored envelopes, don't you?

Finally, don't forget the bacon-related clothing: Bacon-lover undies. Bacon ties. Multiple iterations of bacon tee shirts.

And does bacon really warrant three active bacon blogs: Bacon Unwrapped and Bacon Today and Royal Bacon Society?

Enough already.

This "love of bacon" stopped being funny eons ago. It's not even an inherently amusing food item to begin with. (Now, scrapple, there's an amusing food item.) This bacon fetish is turning me off on the product. I'm even wary of ordering it in diners anymore less I look like a faddish hipster.

Bacon. Yes, it's a lovely foodstuff, and I should admire people's zeal for it. But I just can't anymore.

Shut up, bacon.