A few words on Top Chef All-Stars

Top Chef is the only “reality competition” show I’ve watched continuously since its launch, including both TC: Masters rounds. Admittedly, the most recent season in Washington DC was abysmal from the contestants to the terribly designed challenges (still fuming over “BipartiSandwich”), and I’m not entirely sold on the concept of TC: Just Desserts yet.

However, it’s a sure bet I’ll be watching Top Chef All-Stars when it starts in December. Not only will it feature some of the best chefs who choked at inopportune moments during their seasons, Anthony Bourdain is going to be a regular weekly judge. I am so looking forward to his acerbic observations and critiques. Bourdain is also a little more willing to accept less-delicate, messy, and simpler dishes than other judges, give his love of good, hearty street foods of the world.

Here’s the list of chefs for Top Chef All-Stars (which purposely excludes the winners of each cycle). My commentary follows each in brackets.

Season 1: San Francisco

• Stephen Asprinio [Of course they had to pick the Original Douche of the series, the one who would be the pattern for all future douches. Gah. Still an asshole.]
• Tiffani Faison [Or, “Tiff-a-bitch”.]

Season 2: Los Angeles

• Elia Aboumrad [What I remember most is her saying, “En my countree, we do not have thees Thanksgeeving...”.]
• Marcel Vigneron [See notation for “Aspirino, Stephen” above.]

Season 3: Miami

• Dale Levitski [Decent guy who fell into a depression a few years back. He’s got a new place open in Chicago, and is back in the kitchen. Hope he does well.]
• Casey Thompson [Notable for choking in the finale. Cute.]
• Tre Wilcox [I still long for a serving of the cheesy shrimp and grits he did for the “roach coach” challenge. Accepted elimination with grace and style.]

Season 4: Chicago

• Richard Blais [Although I’m not so keen on the whole molecular gastronomy thing, he was truly a nice guy, a skilled chef who choked in the finale. But he did win a car at least.]
• Antonia Lofaso [The very definition of “sweetheart”.]
• Spike Mendelsohn [Douchebag in a hat.]
• Dale Talde [Still remember Bourdain gagging on the butterscotch scallops he made for the restaurant wars episode. Butterscotch? Who would do that to an innocent scallop? While Dale does score points for finally telling off “larval” Lisa, he did turn douche in the end.]

Season 5: New York

• Carla Hall [Skilled when she can rein in her personality and focus on cooking.]
• Jamie Lauren [Often flustered by scallops, yet kept cooking them.]
• Fabio Viviani [What’s not to love? The accent, the mangled English, the dishes he turned out!]

Season 6: Las Vegas

• Jennifer Carroll [Hooray! TenJenn represents Philadelphia again! She deserves another shot, as she too fell to “the choke” at the finale.]
• Mike Isabella [Moderately douchey, but had the skills to back it up.]

Season 7: Washington DC

• Tiffany Derry [The nicest, most genuine chef in all of S7. Never said a harsh word about anybody. Still not sure why she didn’t make the final four. Glad she gets another shot.]
• Angelo Sosa [Why, oh why must we be subjected to this douche so soon? Hopefully he will stop using allusions to making love to the ingredients.]

Who I would have liked to see included in the All-Stars:

• Dave Martin (S1) [For providing the show’s first quotable line, “I’m not your bitch, bitch”. Would have been one of the two finalists if he hadn’t screwed up the next-to-last elimination and only made two dishes instead of three. Yummy looking lamb enchiladas in first episode.]
• Michael Midgley (S2) [Flounder! Okay, not the best chef, and cooked better while altered after dental work, but how about including him for some comic relief?]
• Lisa Fernandes (S4) [Larval Lisa! The show needs a *real* villian.]
• Jeff McInnis (S5) [Another choking victim. Plus, cute.]
• Stefan Richter (S5) [How could they *not* have Stefan back, especially since they included his crush, Jamie? Plus, they could have had him skin an eel again.]
• Kevin Gillespie (S6) [Being overshadowed by the brothers Voltaggio in the finale shook him. He and his beard deserve another chance. Plus, I don’t recall him ever trash-talking anyone during his season.]